A Mother's Graduation Survival Guide
I tell you, we Moms take this "baby bird flying from the nest thing" really hard.. I have been moping and crying for weeks in anticipation of Jack's graduation from high-school, but I am happy to tell you that I have discovered just what we Moms need to survive this emotional severing of the apron strings. . May I present: .
TACTIC #1: Diversion
(This is a simple little thing anyone can do to get your mind off of the immediate and focusing on something else)
- PROCEDURE: Secretly dress the entire "Clad in purple TCU t-shirts (Aunt Audrey's clever idea) and surprise your child by showing up at his commencement dressed in his future Alma Mater hue. The idea here is to be 'group giggling' and talking about the shirts and the about the potential shock on your graduate's face.
- OUTCOME: This is really a nice diversion tactic and it works well for about 4 minutes. Mother's be warned, as soon as you see Baby Bird #2 dressed in his t-shirt you will be reminded that he too is just a few short years away from flying from your nest.... therefore, you must quickly and swiftly move to TACTIC #2.
TACTIC #2: Intensified Diversion
(I should have moved directly to this earlier in the covert-op but, hey, I didn't want to rain on Aunt Audrey's parade).
- PROCEDURE: Grab a prop. Particularly anything you can hold up to your eyes such as a camera, cam recorder, opera glasses, monocle, etc.
- OUTCOME: This is a sure fire defense that always works. You stay busy jockeying for position, fiddling with lenses all the while with a camera pressed firmly to your eye effectively camouflaging running mascara. It is also considered a home run and worth extra bonus points if you actually have film and a charged battery in the device. (Sorry, Jack, no home videos)
TACTIC #3: All Eyes Forward.
- PROCEDURE: NEVER, NEVER look at the child's other parent! This one will sneak up on you when you least expect it. In my case, I turned to look at Jack's dad and he was in the middle of a most unfortunate meltdown. He apparently hadn't read up on my 'Graduation Survival Guide' prior to the occasion.
- OUTCOME: As soon as this happens you must go into FULL ALERT mode. Know that you will have to maneuver through this phase with blurred vision, but be strong, - you can do it! Simply divert (there's that word again) your eyes from the squalling parent and pretend to be putting your camera back in its proper stowage up under your seat. Keep head down until all is clear.
TACTIC #4: Gambler Mode.
- PROCEEDURE: Yes, finally and unfortunately, if all else fails to keep your floodgates in check you may find you must capitulate and rely on the great wisdom of the Country & Western philosopher, Kenny Rogers:
You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em."
- OUTCOME: Just throw in the towel and let the tears roll ... then hug your grad, kiss him, and tell them you love him....
...and Moms we will be OK. God meant for our birds to fly.. .